


Paint My History with Your Touch

by BeyondtheKilljoy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, BDSM, Flashbacks, GOD im sorry, M/M, POV Derek, Suicide, good and bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-05 02:56:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4163007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeyondtheKilljoy/pseuds/BeyondtheKilljoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is black and white until you met your soulmate. And then, when they were gone...so was the color. Derek had a few precious months of color before Paige was taken from him, and he thought that was all he'd get - until he was told about his wolf side having a mate as well. He thought he'd never find his wolf's mate, cue Stiles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna say, I'm proud of this for how good it is. Especially since I think I'm bad at writing Derek. 
> 
> But I'm also really sorry about it. Don't read it unless you want to get really fucked up, okay?

_Derek’s everything had been Paige. At first, he knew her as the shy music girl, a pretty face with a lovely mole under one of her eyes. He wanted to know her. Which is what led him into the music room, to play the triangle for her and for her to attempt to play basketball._

_And when he had captured her in his arms, it was like he had captured his life. She could feel it too, he knew she could from the wild gasp as color exploded in front of both of their eyes. It was wonderful, and warm. Each day passed knowing that he had someone forever. All of their friends were jealous, Derek could smell it on them, because they hadn’t met their soulmate yet._

_But he knew they would forgive them, when their friends found someone that made the sky an inky blue and the stars a shattering array of diamonds for them. They just had never experienced the beauty of the sky melting into a thousand colors that somehow fell into the night._

_He wanted to keep her, more than the normal soulmate. It was the downfall of him. So he let Peter talk him into letting an Alpha bite her, and as he ended her, her broken body went from bleeding the most crimson, sinful, color, to a muted gray._

_His mother found him there, out of his mind. She explained to him how he had changed, how his eyes had changed and his heart had changed. There was a supposed blue that flashed instead of his honeyed gold, but he couldn’t see it._

_He’d probably never see it._  
\--  
It was years later when he caught a scent, after he had come back to Beacon Hills to find Laura. Or, more accurately, to find Laura’s body – which he did, or half of it. The scent was all over their territory, marking it up with another scent.

A newly changed wolf, Derek realized.

Derek knew it wasn’t the scent that was haunting him, but it followed that scent. He worried for the owner of the human smell, hoping that the wolf was a friendly one. One thing he didn’t wish, though, was that they were mates. He typically hoped that a human, when scented with wolf, would have found their soulmate.

And if it was that way that the wolf would never make the same mistake Derek did. He searched throughout the area, knowing he could follow the trail straight back to the person. But the scent did things to him, more than he would like to admit. It made his wolf claw and stalk from within his heart. So, instead, he found a dirty inhaler that belonged to the new wolf – they wouldn’t need it anymore – and waited until they came back.

They did come back, two loud teenage boys. They stumbled around, talking of a girl’s dead body. Derek realized they meant Laura – that they were here searching for Laura. He couldn’t help his irritation, the way he wanted to fly at them, tell them to stay away. It wasn’t like they were going to find her top half, it being buried near his home, as a wolf should be.

He could feel the stutter of both of their hearts as they whirled around when he made his presence known, but that scent was back and with a pulse. It flushed around Derek, fear and adrenaline. The adrenaline seemed to be natural, a perpetual high the boy couldn’t come down from.

The second he raised his eyes to glare at them, it was as if his breath was knocked out of him. An amber, so close to the shade of a beta wolf, stared back at him. He could see it, right down to the flecks in his eyes, and the blush of color staining his cheeks.

The world had color.  
\--  
_He remembered his uncle apologizing to him, begging for forgiveness. He doesn’t know what it’s like, to be empty and gray after losing someone. The blood of her is still soaked into him, a cold liquid that ran into his bones. His mother, a month after she passed, after a month of worried glances from friends and aching, she tried to give him hope._

_“Derek, listen. I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose a mate.”_

_“I know you don’t.” Derek said. It wasn’t accusing, but it was fact. His family was honest, because emotions could be scented off of them._

_“You’re sixteen.” She slid her hand over to his arm. He could feel the power under her skin, jumping in her muscles. “It will get better.”_

_“You don’t know that.” Derek met her eyes, knowing that he could without fear. She was his mother, not a tyrant._

_“Did your father ever tell you of the split person that werewolves are?”_

_Derek frowned, unsure of where she was going. “Yeah, our survival comes from the wolf within, the humanity comes from the person with-out.” He could memorize that part from his father, who loved to say it._

_“But that’s not the only way they are different. It’s the same person, in different beings.”_

_“I’m not following.”_

_“You don’t have to be alone without Paige.” She said gently._

_Derek’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “But she’s my soul mate.”_

_“She’s your human mate, Derek. Your wolf has a mate, too.”_

_“But how will I know that she wasn’t both?” Derek felt a rise of panic swallow his flash of hope. He couldn’t think of someone else besides Paige being the one. He didn’t want someone else._

_“You’ll know when you find your wolf’s mate.”_  
\--  
When he had met Kate, he would have swore it was her. He made his wolf jump, howl, under his skin. She tempted him in ways, pushed him brutally. He never knew if he was a moment away from kissing her or biting her. And it was as he thought it was meant to be.

Derek had hoped that when they slept together for the first time that he would wake up with the world in brilliant color. But he woke up to see her off-white hair and predatory smile framed around her dark gray lipstick looking back at him.

And now here he was, in the woods of his home, staring at a boy that was too young. Too innocent and pure. “This is private property.” He called out, pushing them.

“We were just looking for…” Derek started towards them the second that he spoke, the soft lips parting to gape as Derek stalked. It gave him a thrill, to know how he must look to the boy.

His friend watched on, worriedly until Derek came in front of him. He was grateful he hadn’t taken the inhaler out of his pocket, and produced it wordlessly. “You should leave.” He cut a look over at the boy, at how up close he felt like the moons rays and his pulse was like Derek’s feet running on the forest floor.

“Okay, we’ll do that.” The new wolf said, stepping back. He didn’t seem to realize what a blessing he had been given.  
Derek turned, fearing how he would respond to being in proximity to the boy. He wanted to reach over, pull him in and drag his nails across the milky flesh. He hoped the new wolf couldn’t hear his pounding heart, more alive than it had been before.

Before a lot of things.

As he left, retreating far enough out of sight but not out of hearing, he heard the boy’s voice. “Dude, do you know who that was?” Derek’s feet stopped, and he had to grip tight to a tree before he flew back there to demand what the boy knew.

“No,” The new wolf replied.

“That’s Derek Hale. Like, the Derek Hale.” He paused for a second, and Derek wished he could still scent him. To know what he was thinking. “His family all burned up in a fire, like ten years ago.”

He felt his claws dig into the bark, a beautiful tree marred by his touch. He listened to their retreat, and was strong enough to return to his burnt out shell of a home instead of going to lie in his scent.  
\--  
_He remembered his father telling him how it would be different, one of the last times they talked. He had recently turned eighteen, and was going to finally come clean about Kate. He sat down with his dad, and just asked the question.  
His father had paused, sketching in his timeless book. “I’m not sure. Your mother is my human mate, and just like we wear our human skin a majority of the time, it is always the human mate that dominates us.”_

_“But mom is a werewolf too?”_

_His dad shook his head. “Yes, but I had to touch her to realize we were mates. I’m not sure how it works for the wolf side, but I would guess that it was something different. More primal, I suppose.”_

_“Would you see color?” It was the one factor that never appeared for Derek in his relationship with Kate. No matter how his heart bleed for her, how devoted he was, there was no tinge or hue to indicate it was meant to be._

_“I believe so.”_

_Derek couldn’t help but lean forward, careful not to disrupt his father’s array of pencils. Certainly, they were beautiful shades of all colors, but Derek couldn’t see it. “What would happen if you met your werewolf mate now? Do you think you’d recognize them?”_

_His face set in deep concentration at Derek’s question. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t assume so – because I can already see the color in my life. Besides, it’s common knowledge for all werewolves that they don’t have to take their wolf’s mate; mostly because that mate has another person waiting for them.”_

_“Why wouldn’t they want their mate?” Derek was dumbfounded._

_His father showed a rare semblance of comfort by placing his hand upon Derek’s arm. “Listen, son. A human mate can be treated gently. Remember what I said about the human being humanity? The wolf is still survival – which means your mate would have to be able to survive that side of you. Most wolves don’t want to give a human that power… it’s supposed to be like a constant temptation to give in to animal instincts.”_

_Derek couldn’t help but feel horrified, remembering his first moon and how badly he wanted to reach out and attack someone. “Would it always be like that?”_  
_An aged smile appeared on his father’s face, as if he enjoyed Derek’s prying. After all, it was going to affect Derek in the long-run. “It depends on the wolf. How much control they have, how much they love their mate.”_  
\--  
Derek didn’t do stalking. So when he found himself below the boy’s window the next night, it was pure coincidence. He took up to the roof, where he could hear clearer. There was still a distinct lack of smell, which bothered Derek.

The new wolf was over, and he was freaking out. It seemed as if the bite was just starting to set in – or he was just realizing it. He could hear the boy laughing, a rough sound, like sand on his back as he lay in the sun.

“Dude, you’re going to laugh at me, but the only things I’m coming up with a creature of the night.” The boy laughed, not realizing how close to the mark he was. Derek couldn’t help how his muscles locked up, how much he had to control his wolf when the boy didn’t flee in terror from the idea.

“Like a vampire?” The new wolf asked, clearly not following.

There was a rustle of clothes, as if someone was standing up. Derek listened as the boy’s heart beat moved across the room. “More like a werewolf?”

“You think I’m…a werewolf?” Derek didn’t have to smell the doubt to know it was there. “Really, Stiles?”

“Yes, really.” His explanation was being lost on Derek’s ears as he realized what the new wolf said. Stiles. What kind of name was that? “…I have a way we can test it.”

“Really?”

Derek cocked his head, wondering what Stiles was going to say. “Remember how today at practice you got really upset and almost punched me in the face?”

“I’m sorry about that, dude. I don’t know what happened.” Derek could hear the sincerity, but it didn’t stop his blood boiling. That wolf had almost hurt Stiles, and he couldn’t. Derek wouldn’t let him.

It was Stiles’ voice that brought him back, and he didn’t even realize how far he had gone. It was leaning right next to the window, first shift almost complete and he was prepared to launch himself in there for Stiles. Or at Stiles. His father was right when he said it would be different than the human mate. “And it was for no freaking reason either. But since I’m such an awesome friend, I forgive you. When you shoved me into the lockers, your eyes did a weird flash thing.”

Derek knew what he was talking about – the gold of his beta wolf reaching the surface. He wondered what Alpha had bitten this child and felt a chilling realization that it could have been the same one to kill Laura. “Okay, how does that help?”

“I saw it earlier too. When you were talking to Jackson.”

“So you think I’m a werewolf because my eyes flashed?” Derek had to admit, to someone who didn’t know – didn’t understand – it did sound like a stretch. He let his wolf puff out some about how his mate had known so quickly what was going on.

“No, it’s other things. Like how you don’t have the bite on you anymore, and that you’re now all of a sudden a lot better at lacrosse – and that your eyes have been changing color. I mean, it looks like they do. The gray changes.” The heartbeat moved across the room again. There was a rustling of papers, as if he was shuffling through a stack of them. Derek eased back above the window, quiet as he knew he could be. “So, I looked up a bunch of things and there’s a lot of lore out there – and I think it has something to do with your heartbeat.”

Derek knew it was all about anger, and that he was wrong. It wasn’t a bad place to start though. “So what do you want to do?”  
“Get your heartbeat up, like maybe through lacrosse or something. See what actually triggers it.”

“I was fine, though, during lacrosse today.” The new wolf insisted.

“Scott, work with me.” So his name was Scott. “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know if I’m right and people don’t just heal like that!” Derek wanted to crawl in the window, offer help. He wanted to be there for Stiles, and show how well of a mate he could be. He wanted to show that he was better than Scott, and have Scott submit to him to show Stiles there was no one that was stronger than him. He wanted to be it for Stiles.

The thought itself horrified Derek, and he slipped off the roof. He was already streaking away when Stiles spoke again. “What was that?”

“I don’t know,” Scott replied. “Maybe a squirrel?” Derek didn’t bother to stick around to see if they’d catch him.  
\--  
_Derek remembered Laura’s eighteen birthday. The cake and candles and huge family. Satomi’s pack came, almost as signifying the bond and truce they held with the Hale’s. He didn’t want his sorrow to affect her coming of age, and he knew she wouldn’t do that when he turned seventeen in a few months._

_There were a few friends from school there; her senior group being a lot smaller than Derek remembered her freshman hoard of friends. They loitered around, laughing and flirting the younger boys of the Satomi pack and his cousins. He sat on the couch, watching it all. He wished Paige was there._

_“Hey, little one.” Laura plopped down next to him, and he controlled his flinch. She didn’t yell, and she didn’t fight. She was rare to upset and always there but he felt like he was crossing a line by acting this way on her birthday. “Do you know that some people never find their mate?”_

_“I’ve heard of it.” Some would argue Derek wasn’t one of the unfortunate ones, but he thought knowing and then losing it was more terrible._

_“Typically, if they’re going to find their mate, it happens before they turn eighteen.” She continued on conversationally. She was picking at the new sweater their mother had gotten her, eyes downcast. “But I don’t think that means anything. Just like how some wolves find other mates if their first one dies. I think there’s still hope out there for us.”_

_“Do you think anyone here has had their wolf’s mate, instead of the human one?” Derek knew it was a long shot, and could feel his hope sink as she shook her head._

_“It’s supposed to be rare. The wolf’s mate has to be extremely strong, some would argue stronger than the wolf.” She let her eyes slide over to him, and he knew that he was slouching and pouting. Everything felt so real, every emotion filled him to the brim. “Grandpa apparently had his wolf’s mate.”_

_Derek sat up a little straighter, swinging his head to lock eyes with her. “Did you ever…?”_

_“Talk to him about it? Once, when I was very young. I asked him what it was like.”_

_“Do you remember what he said?” Derek had to lean forward, desperate to let something out. Desperate for the ache to be gone._

_“Some,” She said softly. “He said that it was so unlike his human. He would get so angry at Grandma, and she wouldn’t listen to him and it was like having an equal. That he believed she was stronger than him just because she did what he did while being human. He said that he didn’t feel the love like he did when it came to the woman before her, but it was more like a need to possess.”_

_Derek blinked slowly, some fear bubbling up in him. He didn’t want a powerful slave as a mate. He wanted someone he could sit and watch movies with and enjoy their company. “Can that change?”_

_“Into love, you mean?” Laura laughed, “Did you think Grandpa didn’t love her?”_

_Derek was only vaguely aware of his grandfather by the time he passed away. The official death was in sleep, but it was never hidden that it was the grief of losing a mate from the family. “I think he did, but you just said that he didn’t.”_

_“That’s not how it starts, apparently. It’s not puppy love of meeting your mate.” She amended. “Though, I would prefer the puppy love that comes with a mate.”  
At that moment, a woman came walking up. She wore heels and a leather jacket, and a smile that flashed through Derek. It was scalding, and Derek definitely wasn’t expecting it. She looked like she wasn’t expecting him either, the way her eyes surveyed him from below her lashes. They were a light shade, so Derek expected blue or green._

_He was interested, and for a moment he could forget about the pain living in his chest. “Who doesn’t want puppy love?” She directed her question at Laura, but her eyes stayed on Derek._

_“Oh my gosh, you came!” Laura jumped up, wrapping the woman in a hug. “Derek, this is my friend, Kate. She graduated a few years ago, but she was like a mentor to me when I was a freshman.”_

_“Most seniors don’t help out freshman, I guess.” She had a throaty laugh, a long throat and a beautiful body. Derek couldn’t help but stare at her. And hope that his sister couldn’t scent his arousal with everyone else around._

_“I’m going to get a drink, I’ll be right back.” Laura shooed Kate onto the couch, and Derek watched, amazed. Kate just held herself with such power, with as much power as a wolf would._  
\--  
Derek decided that he had huddled in his burnt-out home long enough to trust himself to go back into town. He wanted to go see his uncle.


	2. Chapter Two

It was late when he came in, already knowing which room his uncle was in. It was floor level, based off of Laura’s specifications, and faced the woods. When their uncle never woke up, just continued to heal slowly, they accepted they couldn’t keep coming back to Beacon Hills every year to check. It was just too painful.

And now he was all Derek had left, and probably the only wolf that would be willing to help Derek find the other Alpha. If he would wake up. Peter was propped up in a chair facing the window when Derek slid in. He came in through the same window, hoping his uncle wasn’t too far gone not to recognize him.

Derek almost didn’t recognize his uncle – at least in color. His skin was aged, the parts that were healed wrinkled. His blue eyes, such a bright blue, were glazed over as they stayed surveying the forest. Gray touched his long black hair at the temples, such a small amount that it probably wasn’t noticeable to human eyes.

“Peter,” Derek started, never actually calling him his uncle. He had lost that title the day Paige lost her life. He moved to sit behind him, knowing that if Peter could, he would turn to keep his back away from Derek. Derek let himself sit on the bed, sinking into the cushions. “I can see color again.

“I don’t know if you really care, but I can. And everyone was right, it is different. My mate is different than I thought too. His name is Stiles.” Derek paused at this. He wanted to talk about how it was different. About how he didn’t want to cuddle Stiles, he wanted to claim him. The edge in his personality that drove him to try and change Paige dominated his thoughts about Stiles. He wanted to have him, forever.

“He’s really thin, and pale and young. He’s so young, Peter, it’s unbelievable. Why would fate think we’d be good together? His friend was turned by the rogue wolf. I don’t know if Laura came here to tell you, it’s been a few weeks. This wolf killed her, and now there’s a crazy Alpha running around that I have to be concerned about.

“And I don’t care to, I really don’t. I just want to go to Stiles, and it’s so bad. I didn’t think the wolf could have this much control, and I don’t know what to do.” Derek sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to get an answer for all of his talking. He wouldn’t speak this much, bear this much out if he thought that he would get a response. “I wish Laura was here.”  
\--  
_The first couple of weeks up in New York were terrible. It wasn’t like they lived in squalor, with Laura spending the money to get them a nice suite. The loud sounds were really what got to Derek. A loud car door slam was like a bullet on Derek’s ear, the sizzling of meat from the tenant below them a burn straight to his heart. He could hear everything, smell everything, and he was too grief-stricken to try and block it out. He wanted the noises to drown out his misery, but instead it just amplified it._

_He deserved this punishment._

_Laura him enrolled into a school, determined he finish high school at least. She was a good Alpha, making sure that Derek still ate and bathed and did some semblance of living. Every night, without fail, he would find her wrapping herself around his shaking form. He would come out of the nightmares screaming, crying. He didn’t know how she got any rest, or how she could do so peacefully. If it ever hurt her more than the first day, when she sank to the dirt in agony, she never showed it._

_She was so strong, and made sure Derek knew. It was months after they moved that he learned how to close himself in, lock the nightmares aware with a glare and inside of his shell. He woke up, but nothing more than a gasp escaped him._

_However, it was after the first few weeks, that he finally broke down and raggedly whispered his sin to her. “It’s my fault, she was always around because of me. I told her, I told Kate. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”_

_“Shh.” She tried to console him, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t accept her quiet forgiveness._

_“I thought she was my mate.” Derek breathed out, sick with his words. He couldn’t justify this. “I thought she was my mate, I didn’t know. It’s my fault – I should have known. I should have looked. It’s my fault, I told her.”_

_“You didn’t know. None of us knew.” She crushed him to her then, trying to make it easier for him._

_Just because he could admit he was wrong, he couldn’t do the terrible deed of being completely truthful. Being completely truthful is what got his family killed. Being completely truthful would be telling her how his heart still ached for Kate, how in the same breath he hated and wanted her._  
\--  
When Derek finally left his uncle, the sky a lit with stars – the stars, which he hadn’t seen the way he was seeing them in years. He was going to return to his house, scrounging up ashen blankets to sleep on the couch again. He hadn’t bothered to take the Camaro to see Peter, and enjoyed the run through the forest as much as the first time.

There were intruders at his home. He could note them the second he approached the house. And then, as the wind struck the right way, he caught the scent. Stiles was there, and so was Scott. He still approached cautiously, knowing what he could find.

Scott’s senses weren’t honed enough to realize he was being snuck up on, and as Derek began to enter the house, he realized they weren’t in the back of the house but around the back. He crept around to not see them, but a huge hole. There was a shovel next to it, and a pile of dirt. It was where Laura was.

“What are you doing?” He snarled, wanting to teach them a lesson. He could hear Stiles’ yelp, and Scott’s inward take of breath. Derek would have thought that smelling Stiles’ fear would make him want to rear the wolf in, but instead it caused it to howl. He wanted to show Stiles who was in charge.

“What are we doing?” He played his fear off well, coming near the edge of the hole. He craned his neck up, locking eyes with Derek. “Why do you have half of a wolf’s body in your backyard?”

He did take a step back when Derek let his eyes flash. He knew that it just looked like a change from a dull gray to a brighter shade. He’d have to look for himself to see what his mother meant about the blue. Derek admired the way the dark moles dotted across Stiles’ face, and his neck. He wondered how far they went, natural markers on his body.

“Your eyes—You didn’t answer my question!” He shifted his feet, the jeans shifting as he moved. Scott stood behind him, just looking amazed at Laura. He knew that the wolfsbane that he had agonizingly planted around her would protect her identity.

“You didn’t answer mine.” If Derek’s voice wasn’t as low, as cold, as it was, he could probably be coded for acting childishly. “Isn’t trespassing as crime?”

“We didn’t mean to trespass,” Scott threw his hands up, looking to appease him. Derek could already see him being a perfect beta. “It’s just that…you seemed kind of suspicious? I’m sorry, that’s mean. We shouldn’t have been prying and it’s completely okay to bury a weird, half-wolf, in your backyard. It’s not our business, so we’re just going to leave.” Derek kept letting his eyes slide back to Stiles as Scott talked. He spoke earnestly, and began to scramble out of the hole as soon as he spoke.

Stiles had engaged in Derek’s eye contact for a few seconds, before he looked around the area. He had a dirt smudge across his high cheek bone, and soil all over his shirt – including along the cuffs. He couldn’t help but allow himself the privilege to stare at Stiles’ wrists, when he turned them during his fidgeting. They had grime on them, but the pale flesh and colored veins still shone through. They looked perfect to grab, to hold and to take.

Derek took a step back, hoping that he kept his look of calm. Scott was already out of the hole. Stiles was standing, near as still as he seemed able to, staring at a spot near Laura’s head. He moved over there, and Derek snarled again, hoping to convey the back away. Stiles paid him no mind, which was…

Strange. He wasn’t getting frightened, even though Derek was using his wolf to try and stop him. Of course, Stiles was scared, but it seemed to be more accompanied by the fact that he was in a hole with half of a dead wolf. He crouched near her muzzle, and whispered a single word. “Wolfsbane?”

He grabbed the unearthed flower, starting to pull. Derek jumped down in the hole, practically running over to Stiles to grab him and throw him up against the dirt wall, slamming him again and again until he realized his place and how he should submit. He was about to at least do the first part, when moving his hand to secure himself on Stiles’ wrist, he had a moment of hesitance.

Stiles didn’t seem to know that they were mates yet, and what if touching him was all that it took? He wasn’t ready to face that.

“Stop, Stiles.” It caused Stiles to freeze at least, and look up. His mouth was already forming the question – ‘how do you know my name?’ before he shook it off. He began to pull with a frenzy, pulling at Derek’s emotions. He seemed to like to purposefully do the opposite of what Derek told him to do, and it drove him crazy. It drove his wolf crazy.

In the end, he had to explain Laura’s body, what Scott was and how he wasn’t the cause of it. All because his humanity was too afraid to let the wolf out to control Stiles.  
\--  
_His grandfather’s funeral was the first funeral he had ever gone to. He barely remembered it, with only flashes really sticking with him. He could remember how his parents didn’t cry, but a lot of his older cousins did._

_When they got home, he crawled into his mother’s lap. She sat in the living room, reading a book and placed it to the side when he came to her. “Derek, how are you?” She asked in a sweet voice._

_“I’m okay. Why is Laura crying?”_

_“Because Granddaddy had to go play in the forest with the spirit wolves.” It was how they said that someone died, believing that the good werewolves would move onto the next spiritual plane._

_“Why?” Derek didn’t escape the phase of asking questions about everything._

_She smiled a faded smile. “Granddaddy was very sad, now that he was all alone.”_

_“Couldn’t he get another mate?” Derek didn’t remember his Granny passing away less than a year ago, though everyone said it happened. He started to feel irritable about all these people leaving._

_His mother shook her head. “No, see he already had a mate before Granny.”_

_“Really? Who?” Derek looked up at her with wide eyes, ready for a story._

_“She was a very pretty girl, and human. But she got sick, and had to leave Granddaddy. Fate doesn’t make someone so young have to go through so much of their life alone, so Granddaddy got Granny.”_

_“Fate?”_

_“Yes,” She chuckled. “Fate. It’s why we have mates – because it’s meant to be. Fate wouldn’t make someone spend their entire life alone.”_

_Derek didn’t realize that he was going to hold tightly to those words, this particular memory, for so long. At the time, it was a good conversation with his mother. He had no idea how important it would be for him._  
\--  
Derek was being arrested. For his sister being buried in his backyard, nonetheless. He could tell they had little evidence to keep him inside the jail, but it still was embarrassing. He wasn’t supposed to be drawing attention to himself.

He prided himself on the fact that he didn’t try to run, and that he held all of his dignity when he got in the cop car. The Sheriff – Stilinski, of course – walked away to take a call. He heard a rabbit heartbeat dash towards the car. Derek sighed, slamming his head onto the back of the seat. Since he could control himself so well like this, it would just reason he’d have to have another temptation.

Stiles opened the door, sliding into the passenger seat. There was a mesh between them, which Derek knew would do next to nothing if he snapped for even a moment. He wondered briefly what would happen if he let the wolf have control. Would he come to with Stiles dead, or maimed? Would he come through with Stiles naked under him?

He flicked his eyes open to see the teenager staring at him. It wasn’t hard to smell the hard lust that was pouring off of him, and Derek tensed a bit. He almost smirked, his wolf practically glowing because of Stiles’ response to them. He gave his best glare and stayed silent. Let Stiles start the conversation.

“Dude, I know this looks bad, but we didn’t mean to lead my dad here.” Derek cocked an eyebrow, as if challenging him to make him believe otherwise. “He knew that we were out here looking for the body all those nights ago, and I didn’t know he found out I took the shovels. He followed us here, and after we left – and you left, I guess, he came and found the body. He didn’t hear anything we talked about, but he knew where we went. So my bad.”

Derek nodded, not trusting himself to open his mouth. Stiles eyes flicked around anxiously, his pupil contracting and dilating inside its amber chamber. His scent, underlying the sweat and slight smell of sex, was intoxicating. Derek wanted to lean over and attach his mouth across his throat and bite. He could feel his teeth lengthen because of the very thought.

“But I need your help.” Stiles continued on, somewhat unsure.

Derek raised his eyebrow some more, almost as if it was an invitation for Stiles to continue. Stiles took it like it was one. “Scott’s having a hard time controlling this stuff, and I need to get him in control before the lacrosse game tomorrow.”

Derek found himself letting a growl out on accident. “He can’t play tomorrow night.”

“He has to!” Stiles responded. Derek let out an intentional growl this time, loud and angry. “You don’t scare me.” Stiles added on.

Derek let his teeth come all the way out, and he pulled up his lips to show them. He leaned forward, inches away from the mesh. Stiles’ pretty lips fell open, and his cheeks bloomed with color. “Okay, maybe a little bit.” He said breathlessly. “But that doesn’t change my answer.”  
   
He was determined, Derek would give him that. It almost was funny, how stubborn he was towards someone who was stronger and deadlier than he was. Maybe that’s what made him his wolf’s mate. “He won’t be ready.” Derek said each word clearly. He didn’t let his eyes wander across Stiles’ pale stretch of neck, or spit-slick lips, but kept them locked on Stiles’ eyes. It was important he understood this, because others were at stake if Scott played. “He will get out there, and something will make him snap and you won’t like what happens after that. Trust me.”  
\--  
_Paige was a fan of black and white movies, which made no sense to Derek. A few months ago, everything was black and white. Why would she want to look at more of that so soon?_

_It was a classic – Dracula. She joked on the creatures of the night, making Derek laugh at her Dracula impression. They were huddled together on her couch, wrapped up around each other. Every time she would frighten at something in the movie, Derek couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty._

_He hadn’t told her about his family and him yet. He didn’t know when he was going to, but it was going to have to happen. She turned to him, movie momentarily forgotten. “Derek, are you scared of things that go bump in the night?” She whispered dramatically._

_“Terrified.” He replied, laughing softly. He had seen some monsters, so it wasn’t even a lie._

_“Good, so we can be scared together.” She settled back into him, her warmth seeping into him. He loved the way her heart beat steadily against him, how each breath reminded him that she was his._

_“Why do you even like these movies?” Derek couldn’t help but ask when as the man hunted for the undead king._

_“Because their classics,” She looked around at him, with a pursed mouth and high brows. She was obviously playing, with the smile that was just under her lashes._

_Derek sighed, a smile pulling his mouth wider. “I mean, in black and white. They have colored remakes.”_

_“It gives it character.” She said. When Derek didn’t respond, she explained further. “Everything is in black and white, as if it hasn’t met its potential yet and is already great. I think of movies like I think of people – and waiting for the color is what gives someone character.”_

_“But there will never be color.” She smiled, as if he was starting to get it. She didn’t respond to that, just settled back in, leaving him confused. He tried to forget it, and managed to at least not think about it as the movie ended with Dracula crumbled to dust. In this ‘classic’ version (which Derek truly believed was not the actual classic), the crypt was burned as well._

_He had to admit the flames looked just as beautiful, as lethal, in black and white as they did in color._  
\--  
Peter was the new Alpha, Peter was the one who killed Laura. Derek was furious – after sitting by what he believed was a comatose uncle, coming to talk about Stiles twice more, he was actually talking to a raging lune. He just hoped that he hadn’t figured out that Derek knew.

Derek jumped in the Camaro, the scent of Laura lingering in the leather, as he tore towards the hospice home. It was only when he got there that he started to panic, smelling Stiles in there. Why was he there? He flew into the place, it in chaos. Most of the people had fled, or were hiding, and he could feel Peter moving. A new piece of the old pack, alive and connecting back with him in a way he didn’t want him to.

He turned to the hall where Peter would be, seeing Stiles standing facing the Alpha. What did this kid think he was? Invincible? “Stiles,” He said calmly. Stiles turned, looking anything but calm. His chest was heaving, pushing air through his pale body. “Duck.”

Derek was going to try direct commandments, figuring that would work best for Stiles. He looked like he was about to argue when Peter ripped a snarl from behind him. He shrugged, looking torn before hitting the floor and rolling towards the wall. Derek felt like he was smart enough to crawl away while he fought Peter.

Peter let his teeth show, for the first time in years probably. “Hello, nephew.” He sounded strange, off. Powerful. His eyes flashed a mighty shade of red, showing what he had stolen from Laura.

“Don’t call me that.” Derek growled back. With Stiles scent filling his lungs, it wasn’t hard to call his wolf forward. It never was, but this time it seemed to jump from his skin unconsciously.

Even Peter noticed the difference, pausing in his prowling forward to cock his head. Derek tried to play it off as if he had gained power, but he realized it was a lost battle when Peter’s eyes flicked to Stiles curled form on the floor. His eyes were wide, with his face partially covered by his thin arm. He noticed Peter look at him and did his best attempt to meld into the wall. Derek let a roar pull from his body, straight from his soul. Peter would not touch him.

Peter turned slowly, as if he could know what Derek thought. He smiled, slow and cruel. “Should I call you beaten then?”

He flew at Derek, faster than he could ever move before. Derek just had to roll with the punches until Stiles could get out and he could safely flee. He had something like it before, and he could do it again with the object of his wolf’s desire on the line.


	3. Chapter Three

_Cora was thirteen when she came home from school that day. The excitement rolled off her in waves, and Derek didn’t even have to ask. He knew what it was like, to come home from meeting them. It had only been a week since Paige passed, and he hadn’t gone back to school. The only reason why he was out of his bed was because his mother had forced him. She said he needed food, but he could tell she just wanted to have the eyes of the pack on him._

_It wasn’t so uncommon to commit suicide after losing a mate._

_It was obvious his parents knew what was up as well. His mother leaned against the counter, as Cora hummed around the kitchen, making an afternoon snack. “So who is it?”_

_Cora almost squealed, but she had always been too serious to do things like that. Instead, the sound was buried into her throat, a mere murmur passing her lips. “A boy,” She replied cryptically._

_Derek couldn’t help but think back to how he came home. How it was different for them – how she acted different. She was the first person to get her mate after him, and so it was the first time he knew how they were feeling._

_“Okay.” Their mother would have responded the same way if it had been a girl. “Where did you meet him, how did it happen?”_

_“I had to stop by the library to return some books, and while I was in there, so was he. We bumped into each other on accident, and I never thought that the world could be so pretty. I just want to look at everything, so that way I can remember it forever. I don’t want to ever forget how it looked the second it happened.” She sighed, as if the whimsical notion pleased her. It wasn’t surprising that it did, because it did everyone._

_“The color has always been the first thing anyone in this family has talked about. Not the person, but how everything looks nice now.”_

_“And you didn’t?” Cora challenged. It was an ongoing joke that Cora should become Alpha, the way she stepped up to their mother. It never travelled far, because everyone agreed that Laura was still the best fit for a good leader. And it was tradition._

_Also, Laura was a really tough fighter and could probably bring Cora down in a heartbeat. They both loved training more than Derek, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t keep up with them. He thought back to how just a few weeks ago he would skip training to go look at the fallen leaves in the forest with Paige._

_“That’s not the point. What’s his name?”_

_“Josh.” She sighed softly. “He had to go help out with a community thing, but he gave me his number.” It wouldn’t have mattered if he gave her his number, she now had his scent._

_“Do you know him from school?” Derek watched the entire interaction, too filled with pain to move. He didn’t want to hear it, but he couldn’t shut it off. He wasn’t going to say he was angry that Cora got her happiness and he knew that he was the cause of his sadness, but he didn’t want to face it._

_Cora shook her head, as Derek laid his on the table. He closed his eyes, feeling the cooling wood fibers against his cheeks. They were a glistening gray, a deep one that could be mistaken for black. They were a cold comfort. “He’s like seventeen.”_

_He could hear his mother’s intake of breath. Cora was young to find her mate, and for her mate to be four years older than her at the moment, it was somewhat shocking. Not unheard of, but rare in the Hale household. “When do we get to meet him?”_

_There was a pause, and Derek could feel her eyes on him. He realized she was aware that he was in there, that he was listening. She pitied him. And she was giving him the kindness of delaying things until he could keep his ragged breathing under control._

_“Sometime.” She said vaguely._  
\--  
Kate was back. She came in, blowing up his home and knocking him down. She was every bit of power that she once was, smiling as she wandered into the room she had blown him into. She looked around as if she was surveying her work like a proud artist. Derek hated it.

He felt his teeth sharpen, pulling at his gums as he snarled. He shot forward, almost off the ground when she took her stick and electrocuted him. It burned across his skin, making him fall back down. She tilted her head to stare at him.

A smile played across her lips. Her eyes were a light shade, as was her hair. He could see the electricity, sizzling across the stick. “I don’t know whether to kill it or lick it.” She said, her pink lips stretching out each word.

She pressed the stick back across his naked chest, letting her sand hair fall forward as she leaned over him. “You sure grew up nice, didn’t you, Der?”

He lay, spasming on the floor. He couldn’t even dignify himself with a response, or elicit a muscle movement from his body. He was going to black out soon, and she knew it. He wondered how she could continue to look the same that she did, even smell the same. Derek thought that if he ever ran across her again she would only smell of death.

She seemed to realize what he was thinking on, or maybe she just knew him that well still. Her smile faded to a soft one, reminded him of how she used to praise him, but her eyes stayed cold. It was horrible for him to even look at her now, and was grateful when darkness overtook his eyesight.

When he came to, he was chained. It wasn’t a surprise, and it was better than dead. At least he could get out of this. She was waiting for him, sitting on a chair a few feet away. He immediately growled at her, hoping that was enough to shock her. She slowly looked up, eyeing him like a horse. He felt disgusting.

“Awake?” She stood up. “Good.” It was all she said before she was over at a control panel, flipping on a switch. He had a second to hear the chains he was attached to sizzle before the electricity made its way into him. He could feel his claws pop out, the instinctual response. “I heard there was a new Alpha that has been messing things up around here. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

She turned the switch off, waiting for an answer. His heart was beating too fast, trying to cope with the current running through his body. He felt hot and angry. No matter how bad Peter was, he wasn’t giving him up, not to Kate. He growled, somewhat feebly.

She smiled, seeming to know that was going to be his answer. She stalked closer, leaving the control panel alone. He flexed his arms, trying to get a feel on the cuffs, but he couldn’t break them. They probably had mountain ash in the center.

He bared his fangs at her, trying to snap at her when she got closer. Her smile looked more feral than he felt, making him want to draw back and lean forward at once. Her inhumanness was still alluring, despite her. “I missed you, Der. How you were – completely powerless to me.” He dug into his bindings, desperate to get free and show her just how much power he had. She made a tsking noise, bringing herself closer. “I love how much you hate me.

“Remember this?” She dragged her tongue, flat across his stomach and up. He let his emotions rule him and did his best to lean forward and grab at her with his teeth. She was a breath away, smiling at his shifted face. It was only for a moment, before she was back at the switch, dragging heated, jagged electricity into him. She could have used knives, but if she turned it up enough, his flesh would start to burn in the cuffs and she would get the satisfaction of him nearly retching at the burnt skin.  
\--  
 _They were under the sheets at her apartment, his head resting against her chest. He enjoyed her heart beat, because it was always so sure and never wavered, and Kate let him listen. It was like an echo of her personality, knowing and sure. He never had to doubt that she believed what she said, or that she meant it._

_She had found him out a month after they started seeing each other, calling him and crying about her car breaking down. He had to go help her out, and had forgotten about how the moon would be full. It was only after he had tried everything in the book to fix the car and got pissed that it wasn’t working still that it had happened._

_She had seen his teeth and claws, and did not run like Paige did. She gently traced his face, a look of delight on hers. She asked if the entirety of his family was like this, and he told her honestly. There was no reason not to be honest with her._

_“Can anything hurt you?” she laughed, stroking his hair. She probably asked because today she had pounced on him, holding him down viscously and hitting him and scratching at him. It was a heightening exercise for her, and to watch her get so undone was one for him. He always healed afterwards, so it didn’t matter._

_He tilted his head up, and she moved back some to look at him with a curious look. She sometimes made him feel like a child, with the looks she’d throw. “There are a few things.” He allowed._

_She squinted as her smile became disbelieving. “Like what?”_

_“There’s this thing called wolfsbane. It’s like poison to us, and could kill us. If it got into our blood, we’d need an antidote.”_

_“What about if it got on your skin?” She asked concernedly._

_“It would burn the flesh, especially if it was liquid. Gas more or less suffocates you.” He shrugged, acting as if it didn’t concern him. Once his father had gotten splashed by wolfsbane, and it took him months to heal the scab on his neck._

_Kate settled back against him, pulling Derek against her front. “What does it feel like?” She whispered. Her heart was beginning to flutter, but Derek couldn’t smell any fear._

_“From what I’ve heard, it feels a lot like…” He hesitated, not sure how to phase it. It was a burning sensation, like, “Like being set on fire.”_

_“Ah,” she surmised. “Anything else, Der?”_

_“There’s mountain ash.” He laughed, feeling a lot more comfortable now that they were off the topic of wolfsbane. It was kind of taboo for werewolves. “But it doesn’t really hurt.”  
“What does it do?”_

_“We can’t cross it. If someone encircled a building with it, or made a circle around a wolf with it, the werewolf couldn’t break it.”_

_She hummed, seeming to like his answer. Kate started to pull at his hair again, tugging at the strands. “Maybe I should invest in some of that. Get some leather cuffs and put some in the middle of cuff, so you couldn’t break free when I bind you to the bed. Get you something that really holds you down – makes you weak.”_

_Her voice left no room for question, and Derek breathed shallowly as she began to tap her nails on the back of his neck. He wasn’t going to say no, even with his dry mouth and fear-filled stomach._

_Derek knew she could be terrifying._  
\--  
Scott was down here, freeing Derek, or at least trying to as he searched for the key. He finally found it and unlocked one of the cuffs. Derek stretched his fingers, rotated his wrist, unsure of how long he had been down here. “How did you find me?” He demanded. He could smell Stiles on him, as an undercurrent that somehow helped to make up his overall unique scent.

It filled him up with a hunger unimaginable, as if he didn’t realize how badly he needed it until the scent was around him. He knew he was going to need food and water when he got out, his body feeling significantly weaker than normal.

“You could say thank you,” the beta said indignantly. “Stiles figured it out.” Of course he did. Because leave it to Stiles, and mountains could move. Would move, because he had that strong of a will. Derek thought Kate was the one had the will of steel, but that was because Stiles was yet to enter his life. She was just forceful and a person who would take and take.

He looked at everything that was down there, his heart skipping a beat because of fear. Kate didn’t use the weapons, but she did have an array of torture devices. “This is Allison’s aunt? But Allison wouldn’t do this…”

“Argent?” Derek asked harshly. He didn’t care if she was a child, if she was an Argent he wouldn’t trust her.

Scott got a small, half-smile, despite the current situation. Derek snatched the key from him, prepared to unlock the other cuff. “Yeah, she’s an Argent. And I know that her family are hunters – Deaton told me.”

“Then she would do this.” Derek had dealt with Kate, had a few brushes with Chris, and had met Gerard. If two generations could be so filled with evil, then the idea of their youngest generation being anything but what they were was laughable. There was nothing but determination in Derek’s voice, and if Scott was learning how to hone his senses, he could probably tell that he wasn’t lying.

“No! She’s different, trust me.” Derek paused at the tone Scott took. He completely believed it, though he could see her family could make it otherwise.

“Why would you believe that?” He hadn’t seen the full extent of the Argent’s hatred. Derek had, and in most werewolf circles, they were people of nightmares. Most werewolves were good, honest people that were cut down by bigots, like the Argents.

“Because she’s my soul mate.” It was stated so simply.

Derek blinked slowly, his eyes going wide. The kid was screwed, if an Argent was his soul mate. He shook his head. “It’s not going to work.”

Scott looked wounded, but Derek knew it was best to be blunt. “It can, but I have to find Peter. If I get him, then Chris Argent said he would fix me.”

“You aren’t broken.” Derek snarled. It was a common misconception for the newly turned ones – that there was something wrong with them. Nonetheless, he knew what the Argent was talking about – it could be done. “The bite is a gift.”

“Well, I don’t want it.” Scott responded. “I want to be able to be with Allison. I don’t need it, but I need your help to get Peter. If I can get him, then he could help me out. So I could be with Allison and have their permission. I don’t know how I could survive this, because I would lose her and I don’t know how to tell my mom, and I almost clawed my best friend’s face off this full moon.” He sounded so frustrated, so trapped.

“What?” Derek asked, as he struggled to keep himself in check. He wanted to scream at Scott, to stay away from Stiles, that he was fragile and couldn’t be around him like that. “Why was Stiles around you during the full moon?”

“He was the one who chained me up so I wouldn’t hurt anyone.” Scott explained, and Derek was…impressed. When his mother had turned a new member, she would be the only one to chain them – through words or actual chains – during their first full moon. It was a job for an Alpha. “But, you see, I can’t control it. I need to find Peter.”

His voice left no room for argument, insisting and demanding. But that was surface level, and Derek could feel the uncertainty and fear under it. He should learn to trust and use those instincts.

Derek was already planning on hunting Peter down, but he wasn’t going to help the beta. He didn’t even realize what a gift he had been given, how it already became a part of him, his wolf at home. “I’m not going to risk my life for your relationship with a hunter. It doesn’t matter if you can go back to human – they won’t forget. Hunters don’t forget things like that.”

“Mr. Argent said it didn’t matter.” Scott persisted. “That it wouldn’t.”

Derek let his head fall back, hitting it on the wall behind him. He was so naïve, so trusting. It was almost laughable, except Derek had been in the same position as him, and fell for an Argent’s words as well. He had to get it through the beta’s thick skull – that it was a lie, all they do is lie.

“You’re sixteen, Scott. People will tell you anything and will think you’ll believe them – and you do!” He angrily tore at the other one, key missing its slot multiple times. Derek was done talking to him. He was too hungry, too tired, much too bruised on the inside to deal with Scott’s problem with his mate and how Stiles’ scent hung off of him like a coat.  
\--  
 _They had been stumbling in the woods for hours, knowing the sun was going to go down soon and they would have to hide. But right now, Derek just mutely followed a stricken, stumbling Laura. The ash was still all over their bodies, from when they returned home and saw the remnants of their house._

_Laura had thrown herself at it, the firemen’s job of calming the flame already done. She managed to get inside the living room before Derek ran up and pulled her back out. They could smell the corpses, the mountain ash that the police obviously broke by stepping inside the house, and an underlying scent they both knew too well._

_Kate._

_Her breathing was labored, as if the smoke had filled her lungs to the point of suffocation. The way her tears rolled down her cheeks showed through the ash on her face._

_Finally, she stopped, deep in the woods. She fell to her knees, hands outstretched to catch herself. Derek tried to move to get his arms around her, but he couldn’t move fast anymore. It was like his entire body had locked up and shut down. When he drew near, he pulled at her, letting her bury her face into his chest._

_“I didn’t know.” She lamented. “She was a hunter, and I showed her where we live.”_

_“It’s okay.” Derek responded. It wasn’t, it was a far away from okay, but it was Derek’s fault. Derek’s burden, not hers._

_“No, she was a hunter, a hunter. Derek, a hunter.” She had a mantra going, and as he held her, shaking despite himself, she would slip from a quiet whisper to a wail._

_Derek had a repetition going as well, one which he kept locked in his heart. No one knew, we didn’t know, we didn’t know. Laura, we didn’t know. Neither of them did. That night, as they holed up in a dingy motel, Derek woke up to her crying._

_It wasn’t the defeated crying from the woods, but an angry sound filled with wet breathing. He moved over to the bathroom door, a partial light spilling out into the room. He wasn’t sleeping well anyway, but he had managed to doze before she had left their queen bed._

_She was staring at her reflection in the mirror, and even without color helping him, he could tell the difference. Her dark eyes were multiple shades lighter, flashing her wolf eyes. It could have been the honeyed gold, but he could feel the shift power rippling across the tiles. They weren’t fooled because they couldn’t see the exact color._

_Her eyes snapped over to his, not changing back. Derek felt afraid for a moment, remembering how their mother warned them that a person could change after becoming an Alpha. And then he thought more on his mother, and how she was gone, and how everyone was gone, and how it was his fault. He felt disgusted that he would shrink away from his last relative in the world._

_If she hurt him, he deserved it._

_She could probably feel the emotions pouring from him, because he was her beta now. Her only beta. The irises returned to their darkened shade. “I didn’t want it to be like this. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen.” She whispered. She looked so lost._

_Derek had to act like the loyal follower, and he needed to help. “This isn’t how anything was supposed happen.” He reminded her gently._

_Her shoulders fell, as if she needed him to confirm it for her. Derek took her wrist and guided her back to bed. He always kept a slack hand on her, to make sure that she knew he wasn’t trying to fight. Their mother should have been there to teach her how to act._

_His mother should have been there period._


	4. Chapter Four

He should have known that wouldn’t be his last encounter with Kate. That even with hiding in an abandoned train car wouldn’t protect him. She had found him, even though it had taken her a few weeks, and put a bullet in him.

He ran away, feet catching on every rock it seemed. She was content to watch him try to get away, calling after his retreating form, “You can run, Derek. It won’t stop you from dying.” The bullet stung in him, wound already closing. A black line began to crawl out of his skin, followed by the tell-tell graying of his arm. Wolfsbane. He could stumble around for maybe an hour with focus, before his senses would begin to fail him.

He shouldn’t have been surprised when he slammed into the front of a car, bringing his hand up to hit it. He was letting his feet carry him, and they brought him to the Jeep. “What the hell?” Stiles got out, running to catch him. Derek was glad he had a long sleeved shirt on, because he didn’t know if touch would make Stiles realize.

He helped Derek into the car, pulling him into the passenger seat. He was in the driver’s seat before Derek could realize what was happening, how he was going to be trapped in here with Stiles. “Why are you bleeding?”

“Why do you think?” Derek ground out, because it seemed obvious to him that he got shot. “Take me to Deaton’s.” His mother would go there for help with anything new, and he would know what to do.

“Why should I?” He challenged back. Derek glared at him, knowing he had a cold sheen over his paled face. He looked like he was dying. Stiles sighed, starting his car and calling someone.

“Come on, Scott, pick up.” He muttered. Derek left him alone to look at his wound, feeling slightly better in Stiles’ presence. The heartbeat calmed his own and Stiles’ scent eased the burning that was pushing through his arm.

“Scott, I need you to ask Deaton a favor. Derek’s been hurt, and I don’t know what to do. His arm looks like it’s going to fall off.” He explained.

“I think I’m going to bleed out.” Derek said. He wasn’t freaking out, but it was a strange sense of detachment.

Stiles whipped around to face him, pressing hard on the gas. At least it got him moving. “Not in my car, you aren’t!”

Every jolt hurt, but he could deal with it. Stiles said on the phone with Scott, demanding that Derek stay awake. Derek could feel his emotions prickle every time Stiles spoke to him, unsure of why he wanted to attack and protect at the same time. It hurt to think back at the time.  
\--  
 _Deaton was over at the house again. It had been a month, and Derek’s dad still hadn’t left his bed. He remembered the full moon that his mother had pulled him into the house, a gaping wound in his neck. Derek had stared on, a seven year old. He had never seen so much blood._

_His mother was panicking, and it was the first time he had ever seen her do that. It was scary, and when she screamed at him to wake up his uncle Peter, it took two tries to make him move._

_His father was sitting up when Derek peeked in now. The bandage was still on his neck, but he seemed better. A week ago was the first time he spoke since that night. “Hey, kid. What’s up?”_

_“I wanted to check on you.” Derek stayed at the doorway, waiting for him to let Derek come in._

_He waved Derek towards him, and Derek went over to the chair beside the bed. “I’m feeling better. It doesn’t hurt to swallow anymore at least. Wolfsbane is the worst when it comes to healing – burns in your veins and takes forever to close.” He sighed._

_“What happened?” It was the first time Derek asked. He had asked his mother, but she had snapped at him. She seemed on edge since that night, a constant force of control shaken._

_“We were out in the woods looking for Robby.” It was one of Derek’s cousins. He was sixteen, and would still shift at the slightest anger. “And a hunter managed to get a bullet in me.”_

_“In your neck?” Derek gasped. He had seen how they healed, how fast they could heal._

_“Yeah. I probably would have died without your mother there.”_

_Speaking of her, she appeared in the doorway looking murderous. “You shouldn’t be talking to a child about things like this.” She stormed in. Derek’s father shrunk against the pillow, throwing his hands up in surrender._

_“Sorry, dear.”_

_“Derek, let your father rest.” She practically pulled him out of the room._

_“Yes ma’am.” He muttered, letting her lead him into the kitchen. “Why doesn’t it heal as fast?”_

_“The wolfsbane.”_

_“What’s that?” Derek hadn’t heard the word before this month._

_She looked hesitant for a moment. “It’s kind of taboo to talk about. But it’s a flower that can really hurt a werewolf.”_

_“I thought nothing could hurt us!” He only saw other wolves that were respecting towards his mother, and no one had died from a disease or car crash or anything. His family was invincible._

_“It’s one of the few things. It takes a while to heal, unless you have an antidote.”_

_“Does Dad have an antidote?”_

_Talia shook her head. “No, but Deaton’s trying to find him one. It’s just good that he was able to get the wolfsbane out.”_

_“What would have happened if he didn’t?” Derek couldn’t help but ask. His mother’s form stiffened, and he didn’t need more of an answer than that._  
\--  
“Scott’s coming, okay?” They were in Deaton’s back room. Derek had long ago removed his shirt, trying to cool off his skin. The poison was causing his heart to stutter and he didn’t feel like he was pulling in enough air anymore.

“If he doesn’t hurry up,” Derek panted out, “You’re going to have to cut my arm off.”

Stiles choked, hard, on air. Derek could hear his heart beat like a drum, extremely uncomfortable with what he just was asked to do. “You’ll bleed out, you’ll die. And then it will be my fault, and that’s years of therapy – no! I won’t—”

Derek grabbed him and hauled him halfway onto the table. It wasn’t like he weighed much, and even in his weakened state, Derek could handle him. He breathed in, letting his eyes lock on Stiles’ lips. They were a beautiful shade, bitten from worry and stress. He was already apologizing, saying that he would. It wasn’t what Derek was expecting, but he would take it.

He released him, leaning back too far, too fast. The poisoned blood swirled around in his veins, knocking him senseless. “Derek!” Stiles’ voice sounded too far away, but it was almost enough to bring him back.

There was a warm weight on him, and he could tell by the frantic heartbeat that it had only been a few minutes of darkness. The body above him tensed, and Stiles – Stiles – muttered, “Please don’t kill me for this.”

Derek’s eyes snapped open, his hand automatically stopping Stiles’ fist from coming in contact with his face. They both looked stunned, but Stiles also had blotchy cheeks. Surely, he hadn’t been crying. “Is Scott here?” Derek coughed out.

Stiles quickly moved off of him, offering Derek a hand up. Derek stood alone, still afraid that if he touched Stiles that it would shatter. His ability to lie, and pretend, that it would all come crumbling down because of the boy who didn’t let things go. “No, he’s on his way.”

“There’s not going to be enough time.” Derek knew where Deaton kept his medical instruments for the animals, and he quickly pulled out the saw he used during amputation. Stiles balked at the sight of it, but still took it when Derek handed it over. He picked up his bloodied shirt, wrapping it a little above where the black lines stopped. They had moved outwards, growing as if it was a garden on his skin.

He laid his arm out for Stiles to cut off. He couldn’t help but clench the metal with his other hand. Derek felt so woozy, and the sweat on his face was beginning to drip down onto his neck. Stiles pressed the blade below the shirt without having to be told. His hands were sure, even if his body was shaking.

He had his eyes closed, obviously trying to gain courage. Derek couldn’t help but watch him in awe – older, stronger wolves wouldn’t have the stomach to cold-blood amputate someone, and here was this boy who was just thrown into this world and already so strong.

A car sounded off outside. “Wait,” Derek choked out, because one of Stiles’ finger had edged its way to the flip. Stiles looked at him, eyes wide and face scared, waiting for the next direction. It was a different type of Stiles than Derek had ever encountered, and it was probably because he was holding someone else’s life in his hands.

Scott busted in then, with a brown bag. Derek lunged, taking it from him as he stared at the device in Stiles’ hands. “Oh, thank God you showed up. You just saved me from years of therapy.” Stiles praised him.

Derek took the antidote and shoved it into his system. He could feel it begin to dissolve the wolfsbane and he slid shakily to the ground. Scott and Stiles were standing above him, looking down worriedly. When did these kids start to worry about him?

“Thanks,” He managed to say weakly to Scott.  
\--  
 _As a rule of thumb, werewolves started training at the age of thirteen. They didn’t have to worry about a human being stronger than them – unless that human was holding a gun with wolfsbane – but there were other wolves to be worried about._

_It was usually done with the Alpha, because it asserted dominance and a reinforcement that the Alpha was still the strongest. However, it was Derek’s first day and Talia had to had to go into the office for a meeting and Laura was over at a friend’s house._

_So Peter was going to start him with training. It was different from how Derek saw his mother train his cousins and Laura. Right then, Cora was sitting out there watching them. She would be ten soon, but still much too young to fight._

_Peter did sneakier attacks, going under rather than through. He showed Derek how to push away when captured, holding him various holds and having Derek roll or jump away. It was fun, like a game of cat and mouse._

_Until things got serious. Peter stopped him, saying that they were going to try it with the claws now. Most of the wolves didn’t shift until they were about fifteen, but all of their senses came fully to them during the first fool moon of the thirteenth year. They were able to heal faster, stronger sense of smell, and more strength even before they turned thirteen, but it wasn’t like a werewolf until after._

_He pulled out his claws, telling Derek that they were playing keep away. Every time he would manage to get close to Derek, he expected there to be the sting of the nails but it was only the palm of his hand. He could obviously keep his dangerous parts in check._

_“Derek, you need to focus. You can get killed if you don’t know how and when to run.” Peter called him to attention. He seemed to be losing patience, after the sixth attempt for Derek to get past him in keep away._

_He moved fast towards Derek, as he dove to the side. He felt Peter hit his calf, and the sound of tearing denim. The games were over. It was hard, with a lot of hitting the ground. Derek’s minor scratches healed before he could get back up, but Peter was making a point._

_Derek was getting frustrated with following his uncle’s method of attack, and thought back to how forward his mother was. He was going to try it her way, and feigned left when Peter came at him, instead pushing forward and—_

_And straight into his claws. Derek’s hand, which had come up to thwack Peter’s head, had come in contact with his claws, hard. One of his fingers were gone._

_One of his fingers were gone._

_Cora was screaming, Peter was clutching him and apologizing in a panicked state, and he didn’t have a ring finger. Derek slowly looked from the stub to see it on the ground, and then back up at Peter. He was yelling at Cora to call his mother. He looked back at Derek, ready to comfort him._

_“Can we fix it?” Derek asked. He sounded so calm, as if it hadn’t set in yet._

_Peter blinked, unsure on Derek’s stability. “Yes, I think so. Talia will know, when she gets here.”_

_Derek nodded and then picked up his finger – thinking ‘Wow, that’s my finger.’ – and went to sit on the porch. The gaping wound was starting to burn, but Derek paid it no mind. The adrenaline was still high in his body, and his mind was blank. Was he shaking?_

_His mother was home within minutes, and when he saw her – looking the same way she did when his dad was shot in the throat – was when it set in. Peter was sitting next to him, and he got up to meet Talia and explain. The second she was coming towards Derek he started sobbing. It took a while to calm him down, only breathing right after Talia calmed herself down, before she got out the needle and thread._

_She told him that she was going to sew it back on, and after a few days, it would fix itself. Derek would hate to admit it, but it hurt worse to sew it on than to get it chopped off._  
\--  
Derek may have been the one to have slit Peter’s throat open, but it was Stiles that had killed him. The only thing he could thank Peter for was slitting Kate’s a moment before, even if it did something funny to his gut and heart. He didn't love her, but he loved what she gave her. And just because Peter had helped to sever the unhealthy attachment didn't mean that he had earned back his life.

In the end, he agreed to help Scott, for reasons unknown besides a whispering in his head that he was important to Stiles. And that Scott saved his life.

Now, Derek was taking away his apparently. Scott had begged him, told him that he couldn’t kill Peter because he had to wait for Chris Argent – how he could fix him. He wasn’t broken. Derek knew when he went against him that Scott could do something, or Stiles could throw another Molotov at him.

But they let him do it, Scott deflating as soon as he saw the red in his eyes. He realized everyone in the field could see color except for Stiles, and he was in the presence of his mate. It was a flashing thought before the power seeped into his bones. It was a steady thrum, a heady drug, and Derek could tell why people would lose it for something this wonderful.

But he had been around Stiles, who could make him feel powerful and powerless at once. The strength under his skin, pulling it taut, did nothing to him like that.

A few weeks later, he decided he needed a pack. He wanted Scott, desperately, because it would mean that Stiles would come as well. If he was in charge of Scott, then he’d be in charge of Stiles. He always felt like Stiles was able to one-up him, come up from the bottom and overturn him.

He would try being persuasive, attempt to glide Scott into how to live as a werewolf. He agreed to do it, when Scott had agreed to be part of his pack. A lot of the time he was teaching Scott it was just them two. But the faint scent of Stiles clung to him and it filled up Derek in infuriating ways.

One night, he took Scott to see an Omega, what would happen to Scott if he ever left Derek. He just meant to show him the weakness of being without a pack – but a hunter came along and attacked the Omega. It was another wonderful teaching moment, even if knowing that the hunter was an Argent made his blood boil and his skin feel like it was peeling back.

“Why is he hanging him up in the tree?” Scott’s voice sounded panicked, unsure of why the person would be capturing the wolf.

“It’s what hunters do.” Derek whispered back. “There’s nothing we can do.”

“Can’t we save him?”

Derek looked at him sideways, caught by how young he was. Scott stared back at him, desperate for him to say yes. Derek wanted to say yes, but he knew why wolves would become Omegas. “No, a wolf is an Omega for betraying their pack. It wouldn’t be smart to risk our lives for him.”

And then the Argent cut the werewolf in half.  
\--  
 _Laura came in to his room, every Saturday night, after her shower like clockwork. She spent the days with their mother, half of the time training with her and the other half of the time learning how to be an Alpha. She had turned thirteen a few months before, and was unused to not spending her Saturdays with Derek._

_“How was it today?” Derek asked her, eager to know about it. He was eleven, and wanted to do everything she did. He even wanted to be Alpha, right next to her. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen, and the one time he had voiced it, she had laughed._

_She was laying on his bed, while he sat on the ground, playing his Gameboy. Laura rolled until her face could be seen by him, and the she pulled out her grin. “Good,” She said. “I didn’t even have to train today – all she did was teach.”_

_“What did you learn?” He wanted to know it all._

_“How to pick out a pack.” She said flippantly._

_Derek paused the game, looking at her. He frowned, eyebrows drawing close in confusion. His dad would always say he looked more like a toddler than a kid when he’d frown. “But we already have a pack?”_

_She sighed, annoyed that he didn’t just get it. They could get into fights about that – how Derek was always a few steps behind. “No, an Alpha can make a human a werewolf.”_

_Derek’s eyes went wide. His mother never did it, so he always thought it was a myth. “How?” He breathed. Instead of answering, she wiggled until her face was close to his and growled. She snapped her jaws at him real quick, mimicking biting. Derek gasped._

_“So she was telling me why a person would deserve to be a werewolf.” She sat up, facing away from him. She acted as if it was a huge secret but Derek had seen this side before – she wanted him to ask why._

_“How can you tell?” He was curious, but it was more of the obligatory asking._

_She looked back at him, twisting to face him while her legs sprawled the other way. “Mom said it was three things – how they treated the pack, how they treated people, and how they treated animals.”_

_“What do you mean?” Derek was a good brother. He would let her talk about it all night, because it was what made Alphas special. Having choice over who was their betas and who wasn’t – but until then, Derek just assumed that that meant they could kick people from the pack._

_“If they treat the pack well as a friend, they will make good family. If they treat humans well, then that means they have kindness. If a person had no kindness, they would be all wolf.” She paused for a second, face grave. She may have seen – and probably would see – a werewolf with no kindness to people. Derek had heard of them, fully feral and crazed._

_He shuddered, nodding to let her know that she could continue._

_“And if they were hateful to animals, then the bite would reject them.”_

_“Reject them?” Derek crawled onto his knees, coming close to the bed._

_She looked at him, fully turning. He had to crane his neck to look at her as she towered over him on his bed. “Can you keep a secret?” She whispered, inches from his face. Derek realized that this was probably what was bugging her – they didn’t keep anything from each other. And their mother had probably told her not to do this, but she wouldn’t command Laura to do anything. That would teach her how to be a beta not an Alpha._

_Derek nodded, staying close. If his mother ever guessed he knew, Laura and him would both be in for the scolding of a lifetime. She glanced at the door before letting a mischievous glint spark in her eyes. “If someone can’t be a werewolf, like their body won’t let them, they reject the bite.”_

_“So they stay human?”_

_“No, it’s like rejecting blood. Your body shuts down.” She replied, looking sad. “They die.”_


	5. Chapter Five

_One of the first things that Derek's mother taught him was the importance of life. It wasn’t even part of his official training – which wouldn't start until he was thirteen – but he valued it as his first lesson._

_She had him out in the woods, trees away from a meadow. There was a family of deer grazing in the grass. “Look at how the mother watches her baby.” She instructed him. Derek was pulled up behind the tree, his torso pressed against the bark. The babe would take a step and immediately the doe’s head would snap around to look at it._

_“She wants to protect her.” Talia said. “Since there are always hunters around. Why do you think they're so scared of the hunters?”_

_Derek liked when she asked questions he knew the answer to. “Because they kill them.”_

_“And why do the hunters kill them?” She pressed. It was a gentle tone, but her desire for him to get it right thrumming under the surface._

_Derek turned to her, standing slightly behind him and observing him. “I don't know. Do they need the meat?”_

_Talia cocked her head, surprised by the tang of her scent. Derek was just learning how to really differentiate scents based on emotions. “They might, but that's typically not a problem. What else could be the reason?”_

_“For fun?” Derek asked. He had heard a few kids at his school before, excited that they'd get to go hunting with their dad for the first time. It confused him that they would be so excited for that – he had been hunting with his family and it was mostly just being still._

_“Yes.” She said gravely. “Listen to me, Derek. Do not be like those hunters – do not take life for fun.”_

_“Is there a reason why you should take life?”_

_Talia was quiet for a few minutes before answering. The deer were still oblivious to them, munching on their grass. “Remember how you said some hunters kill for meat? Life should only be taken if it needs to be – for survival.”_  
\--  
Stiles woke him up, calling him at some ungodly hour. What did these idiots need now? “What?” Derek answered, voice like gravel from sleep.

“Derek?” Stiles’ voice was riddled with panic. Derek sat up in bed, already reaching for his keys on his desk.

“What's going on?” Derek shuffled over to his jeans, pulling them on as he used his shoulder to hold his phone.

“Scott—” Stiles’ breathing was labored. “We were at a party and then he disappeared and he left me a voice mail—I think he's in trouble—and a woman was in the back. He sounded like he was in trouble.”

Derek was already out the door, his apartment only a level above the ground floor, sliding into his Camaro. “Stiles, where was the party?” Derek asked calmly. He had a very good idea, or thought he did.

Instead, Stiles told him the name of some indiscriminate building where they were raving. At least he didn't sound drunk. Derek hated calling, hated it because he couldn't catch Stiles’ scent or hear his heartbeat.

“Why are you there?” It was a good thirty minutes out of town, in the fucking woods.

“We're teenagers,” Stiles said it as if it was obvious. “And beside, Lydia invited us. I wasn't going to turn down an invite from Lydia. Like, dude.”

“I really don't want to hear about your silly crush.” Derek cut him off. It wasn't so much the silly crush, as that it was attraction that wasn't directed at him. Stiles had proved to be more than someone to claim, being so strong and clever enough to keep alive among the wolves, but sometimes the urge still scratched under his skin.

Often times, if Derek would admit it, he'd rather have Stiles at his side than at his feet.

Not like him being at his feet would be a bad thing.

“I'll be there in a minute.” Derek paused. “Is everyone else okay?”

“Yeah, I don't think any of us are any trouble. I just don't know where he is.” Stiles sounded slightly helpless. “I’m okay.”

Derek took a deep breath. “Good.”  
\--  
_One of his older cousins were getting married. It wasn't something that happened often, but it also wasn't something unexpected. He had a big family. The best part about the wedding was that he had a soulmate to bring to the party._

_They had been together for three weeks, completely wrapped up in each other. Talia loved Paige, how she was no-nonsense with Derek and his constant jokes. A few other family members had met her – such as Laura and Cora, his father, and unfortunately his uncle._

_Who had met her first, literally on their way out of the school that first day._

_This was going to be the big meeting though, and Paige had been super nervous all week. She sent him multiple pictures of her dresses, asking which one would look best and wondering about all the family members. And what would happen if she forgot their names, or disrespected the bride._

_Who, which Paige didn't know, was going to get the bite when she was accepted in. She would become part of the pack, which he heard that she was excited for._

_The day finally came, and Paige wore a blue dress and curled her hair. Everyone complimented her, and Derek let her know that she didn't have to try that hard to look beautiful. He enjoyed the way the pale skin of her cheeks would slowly turn a pink from his words alone._

_Derek did think the wedding was somewhat over done, mainly because too many people were invited and everything was lace and glass and flowery. Derek loved the way Paige started crying as the vows were said. It was a show of genuine emotion, and the other werewolves around them obviously approved of the display._

_Werewolves valued transparency._

_They went to the after dinner, sitting at the same table as the loved ones. Well, Derek's family sat with the bride and groom, but that was just pack dynamics. The Alpha always got the highest honor._

_Then came the toast from the wife. As the tables fell silent, Derek finally felt the moments of tenderness actually start to unfold. “I don't have anything original to say, mainly because I'm not the best with words.”_

_Everyone laughed at that, Paige tilting her head back to chime in. Derek wasn't looking at his new family member – he was too busy staring at her. “But I do have something I would like to say.”_

_“I hope you never lie, cheat or steal.” She smiled down at him._

_“Ah,” Paige gasped next to her. Derek turned to look at her, and she just grinned back. “But if you must lie…” Paige whispered._

_“But if you must lie,” it was as if the wife was copying her._

_“Lie with me.” Paige's gaze left him feeling breathless. “And if you must cheat…”_

_Derek's cousin looked like he was going to cry. Derek didn't blame him, the emotions that were in the room were so intense. “Lie with me. And if you must cheat, cheat death.”_

_“Cheat death.” Paige repeated. She touched his face gently, and even if it wasn't their day, it felt like their year. “And if you must steal, steal my heart.”_  
\--  
Derek wanted to go first to Stiles. But his instinct took over, telling him to tell Stiles to go home. To crawl into the bed that Derek wanted to also lie in, and get some rest. The full moon was close, and even though Derek had impeccable control, it was a strain for him still.

He would have thought that after so many months it’d be easier.

He traced the scents in the party, still going strong at three o'clock in the morning. Stiles must have called from outside the sex, sweat, and booze filled building. He walked the front of the area, looking for a fresher scent of Scott than the one near the door that was buried under Axe and cheap perfume.

The search came up fruitless, and he would wander back, but a large fence stood before him. There were a couple of teens stumbling outside, seemingly drunk, but Derek didn't want to draw attention to himself. He'd have to go through the party to get to the back.

He hated the music. It was too loud, bouncing off the wood the walls were built of. The people had no need for personal space or boundaries, lost in the haze. It made him uncomfortable.

A girl came up to him, pushed through the crowd towards him. He just wanted to avoid everything, being way too sober for this kind of party. She was completely wasted, and just laughed before falling onto his chest. His heart had a single pang for her, and he led her to the couch in the shadowed corner. There was a couple on it, and he hoped the giggling girl would be safe there. But the most important thing was finding Scott. For Stiles.

Scott's scent was nearly lost to him, even though he spent a lot of time with Scott training him. The one scent he didn't lose, couldn't seem to shake, actually, was Stiles’. It made him almost remember why parties were considered fun – the constant smell of Stiles, and beer, and lust, and sweat. It was there for him but the people filling up the rooms made one scent lay over everything: alcohol.

He suddenly got very worried that he sent a drunk Stiles home alone and briefly considered calling him to make sure he was okay.

What stopped Derek was two things: he didn't want to hear Stiles panic if Derek called without getting Scott and he had just caught a fresh scent of the boy. But instead of it being out, towards the door, it was leaking through the ceiling from upstairs.

Derek had to find some stairs.  
\--  
_Derek loved his aunt Rosie. She was so happy all the time, with her curly short hair, and dimpled cheeks. She loved the children, and when Derek was five, he believed he was her favorite._

_Aunt Rosie couldn't have children, though._

_Derek remembered asking her why she spent so much time with the children but didn't have any. It was a summer day, with the light fading in as she baked a pie. She was breading the crust, to make sure that it was soft enough for her to feed to the infants._

_She stopped for a moment, wiping her short fingers on the cupcake dress she wore. “I do love children, sweetheart.” She said slowly. “But your Auntie Rosie can't have any.”_

_“Whatcha mean?” She had just given him a homemade raspberry Popsicle from the leftover fruit of the pie. His fingers were sticky._

_“You know how your mama is getting really big with your little brother or sister?” Derek did. “Well, Auntie Rosie can't get really big with a baby. I have no place to put them.”_

_Derek didn't quiet understand then. “But what about you and Uncle Richie? You won't have any babies to play with at home.”_

_Aunt Rosie got a sad, soft smile then. “No, we don't. But that's okay, because Uncle Richie and me love each other very much and still enjoy each other even if we don't have one.”_

_Nodding, Derek slurped around the Popsicle. A smile lit up his face as an idea popped into his young mind. “It is okay. wanna know why?”_

_“Why?”_

_His smile grew bigger. “You have me!” Derek pushed himself into his Aunt’s arms then, and she twirled him with a laugh. Derek hoped he made her feel better._

_Three years later, and they were adopting a little girl named Josephine. Derek tried his best to be happy for them – mainly because he was older and thus has to act that way. He would be lying though if he said he didn't feel replaced._

_Josephine was a chubby, happy baby that made Derek happy though._  
\--  
Scott was taken by Chris’ wife. He could hear her speaking, a corridor down, and his ragged breathing. Derek didn't want to blame Allison, since Scott was so keen of believing she was innocent. But an Argent taking a wolf after falling for another Argent wasn't very innocent seeming.

Derek got closer to the room, expecting her to be torturing him. Instead, he could smell a sickly sweet wolfsbane filtering the air. She wasn't warning Scott to stay away. She was killing him.

A teenager.

The anger that always licked across his skin, always burned in his core, exploded. He was furious, because how dare they think they deserve to do something like this. What gives their family the fucking right to harm others.

Derek roared, slamming open the room that they were in. He was lying helpless on a slate – a fumer dispelling the poison out into the room. Of course she wouldn't be affected by it, hitting the lower dog in all the right places.

Derek was sick of it. And he knew what he did next was wrong, but before he smashed the fumer, he bit into her flesh. The Argent let out a scream then, and any thoughts of her trying to kill him as well fled her mind as she disappeared. Scott looked worse for wear, coughing and wheezing.

He briefly wondered if this was what an asthma attack was like.

Hauling him up to carry him out of the room wasn't difficult, but awkward. His chest heaved and he flailed, making Derek's job tedious. When did Stiles give him a problem that wasn't hard though.

Deaton would probably be aware of how to make sure Scott’s system was flushed of the wolfsbane so Derek called him. And as soon as he was sure that Scott was unconscious and not just dying, he took the boy over to the vet. When he had called Deaton, he noticed he had missed calls.

Twelve missed calls. From Stiles.

On the way to the vet, as Scott lay dead to the world, Derek took the time to call him back. And if he was a little irritated because Stiles didn't do what he said, well.  
\--  
_When Derek was ten, he went to a dance for boyscouts with a boy named Craig. He had a shaved head, and crooked teeth, but he also had eyes like the river and a laugh like a bell. Derek liked spending time with him, and when he asked to go to the dance with him it was easy to say yes._

_It was also easy to tell his mom he was “dating” a boy. People could date before they found their soulmate, actually it was customary for them to just to see how they interacted in relationships._

_What was hard were the dads and other kids at the dance. Each boy had paired off with a girl, most of them scouts of their own and they whispered when Craig came in in his uniform with Derek on his arm. The parents whispered, not knowing that Derek could hear everything behind their hands._

_“I can't believe Margaret would let her son come with a boy.”_

_“Do you think they're soulmates? It's so strange to see two boys together. And at such a young age.”_

_“They shouldn't let those in if they can't at least act normal for a dance. He could have brought some girls and pretended.”_

_“If they are soulmates, then you know something’s wrong with them. It's defective.”_

_“Maybe the poor Helmer boy couldn’t find a nice girl and his friend is helping out. At least, that's the best you can hope for.”_

_Derek wasn't used to how they spoke, with disgust rolling off of them. All of his family loved him. They were excited to see he was going to have fun with another kid. What were wrong with these people?_

_Craig was a foot taller than Derek, already eleven, and he had to lean to whisper to Derek. “I know it looks like people aren't happy we’re here, but I'm glad you came with me.” He smiled kindly at Derek, though a little sad._

_Derek realized he must be used to this._

_“I'm glad I am too. I'm happy you invited me.” Derek wanted to make Craig feel better. He didn't care that the other parents had a problem with them so neither would Derek._

_It did shock Derek though, the the could be so accustomed to this type of look. What was so wrong with liking who you liked? And what was so wrong with being a boy and having a boy soulmate? It meant it was meant to be, so why were they so against it? Humans were still so strange and different than the werewolves he grew up around._

_“Do you want to get some punch?”_

_Derek smiled, pulling closer on Craig's arm. “Yeah, sounds good.”_  
\--  
Deaton had a solution, and he was waiting at the office with Stiles when Derek got there. He looked like he hadn't slept since he had went home, and had dark circles under his eyes. At least, when Derek pulled Scott from the back, Stiles didn't rush him.

And the scent of alcohol was a faded, skin layer scent on him too, which was also a plus.

Deaton said that it could be flushed from the system, using another fumer. Since it was a gas, it had to be breathed back out, taken up from the blood like carbon dioxide. That's how he explained it, but Derek really didn't care.. Deaton took him to the back, telling them to wait in the front for one of them to take the boy home. Which left Stiles and Derek in the waiting room alone.

Stiles leaned against the wood top, leaning over where the mountain ash was built in to keep monsters out. His back was arched distracting, the plaid shirt falling to help hide nothing. He drummed his fingers on the wood, humming relentlessly.

His very presence made Derek's skin feel hot and tight. He crossed his arms and looked away, so at least he wouldn't have a visual with the audio and scent. The drumming ceased after a moment, but Derek kept his gaze resolutely on the wall. Was Stiles looking at him now? Could he feel how bad Derek wanted to open up to him and to have him?

“Derek?” Stiles’ grabbed his attention. Derek turned his head to glare at him, which made Stiles wince. He tried to soften his look, because it wasn't his fault Scott was an idiot. “Sorry about calling you so late.” He looked down, embarrassed. When had Stiles ever acted shy?

“It's okay.” Derek surprised himself by saying it. “It's not your fault that Scott can't watch his flank.”

Stiles snorted at that, visibly relaxing. His eyes swept down Derek casually, making Derek's stomach swoop. “Still, thank you.” He shrugged. “I couldn't have done what you did tonight.”

Derek spared him a small smile, because Stiles finally started to show his neck.


	6. Chapter Six

_He had just graduated high school when Laura found him. His name was Drew, and he had an infectious smile. He would shrink his shoulders down to make himself seem smaller. More approachable. Drew was really tall, a good head and a half taller than Derek._

_When Laura had brought Drew home, Derek was looking at his dorm options for NYU. It required he stayed in one for a year, or at least rent one for a year. He heard Laura coming in with a new heartbeat in tow, and Derek just figured it was a coworker from the hair shop._

_Instead, she pushed open the door with a singy-song voice. “Derek! I have someone for you to meet!”_

_He turned around, and there stood Drew. He couldn’t help but feel a pang, with the spark in Laura’s eyes giving it away, but Derek smiled anyway._

_Everything about Drew was kindness and consideration. He was different than Laura, with a soft, careful away about him. After a few weeks of Derek being in college, he moved into the apartment. He brought plants with him, and kept the blinds open for sunlight._

_He always smiled when Derek came home, making pound cake because he knew that it was Derek’s favorite. And while Derek’s failures haunted him and hurt inside of him, he couldn’t help but enjoy Drew’s presence._

_It was a few months after he moved in that Laura told him. Even when they were soulmates, certain cautions had to be put in place. More so now, with the fire still burning in both of their minds._

_But he was good at taking the surprise, approaching Laura’s shifted form slowly. He gently touched her face, watching as it changed back. Derek was only there to ensure that Drew was safe, or that if he tried to hurt Laura he could be restrained._

_“I still love you.” He whispered. Derek turned away because the overall scene was much too pure for him. It didn’t sicken him – it hollowed him out and poured the remnants in the fire._

_He was there when Derek moved back in from sophomore year. Laura and him were talking about marriage, and kids. Derek thought back to their uncle, trapped in his burned out shell, wondering if that would be him._

_Would he be alone forever?_  
\--  
Derek had never been a patient one. So he picked out a few teenagers, some that would actually be grateful for the bite, and gave it to them. He refused to acknowledge the teenager who had coerced it from him. He could smell the sickness on the strong boy, knowing that he could fake it but he wouldn’t last long. Though, he lived past the first night. He lived the next few days, the disease clinging to him. Derek couldn’t think on it, instead focusing on making a real pack. Isaac was his first, and it was nothing like Derek thought it would be.

Isaac’s blood seeped into Derek’s mouth as he bit down onto the teenager’s flesh. It was like the linking of the two of them, and he knew Isaac was going to make it, he was going to change. He didn’t even whimper when Derek cold-blooded bit his hip.  
He was used to pain.

After a few days, he would have uncommon flashes of anger, but would still back down easily. He flinched for a bit, before Derek taught him not to be afraid of him. It was strange, explaining these things to a person that wasn’t family. Isaac was slowly becoming family. Even after the bite, Isaac didn’t get a power high, didn’t act like he would abuse them. Derek should have known, that just like it had made him feel invincible as a teen, it would do the same.

Erica was different when she turned. The shy, shaking girl became a windstorm, blowing in and destroying things wherever she went. Her newfound confidence reminded him of someone else, and it sparked something in Isaac. They became like wild children, wondrous in their new powers. They would fold to him still, Erica with some difficulty and questioning, but with their fire-like personalities, the pack could begin to behave like a loose cannon.

Which is why he took Boyd, quiet and drowning his scent in loneliness. Derek knew that kind of loneliness. By this time, Scott had learned what he doing, and rushed in to stop Boyd. But it was done, and Scott tried to convince him to not to be like Derek, because Derek was bad. But he didn't understand what it was like to be pack-less, to be alone. He had Stiles.

Derek was willing to let Erica, Isaac and Boyd play around with Scott for a few moments, just to gauge how much fighting he was going to have to teach them. When Isaac and Erica skidded their asses back towards him, he realized it was a lot.

“Leave them alone.” It was almost indecipherable when pushed past his fangs, but Derek knew how wolves spoke. It came as a second language.

“They chose this.” Derek said calmly. “They like the gift I've given them, and it was their choice. Now you can join or leave.”

He looked trapped. “I can't let you do this,” Scott snarled.

Derek almost went for the comical, ‘It's already done.’ Instead, he rose to the challenge, meeting Scott's snarl with a roar. It was time he stopped being so gentle towards the beta, stopped allowing so much. He had to show Scott who the only Alpha in the town was.

He didn't fight him for very long, Scott not being able to match him. He quickly dug his fingers into the soft flesh of Scott's belly, causing the blood to spill from his lips. Scott retreated fast enough then.

Derek tried not to feel guilty or a sense of dread for when Stiles found out what he did.  
\--  
_Derek had gone out that weekend, on another one of his sprees. He had heard of a good place to go where no one would know him. It was a place that knew werewolves too, though the unpaired werewolves there were far and few between._

_It was an alternative lifestyle sex club, filled up with the scent of pain and leather. It reminded him of Kate, which would make his stomach sick and his heart hurt. But he kept going back because it was like being close to the closest thing to a mate he had since Paige._

_Most of the humans there were glad to put a werewolf under their control, to hurt him without restriction. It was a punishment and a gift at the same time._

_When he'd manage to get home, probably after hiding away and crying at the shame of still wanting it it, Laura would usually be in bed asleep. He wondered if she ever thought of it or where he'd go and what he does._

_But tonight was different. He heard the stuttering, broken beat of her pulse. He could smell her pain from the stairwell. And as he ascended, climbing in a way that would give away that he wasn't human. As he grew closer, the smell of blood also reached him. What had happened?_

_Listening from the outside, he no longer had to wonder. Laura was sobbing, and a heart beat was fluttering to a close – much too soft for Derek to have picked up before. He was beginning to regret going, regret it even more so than usually._

_He creeped into the apartment, feeling the need to be silent. The scene before him was all too familiar. Drew was cradled on Laura's lap, fragilely curled towards her. Derek could see through his paper skin, to the black that stalked his life in his veins._

_Laura still had the blood around her mouth, struck broken by what was unraveling. She looked up when Derek came in, hyperventilating as she whispered, “He asked, he asked. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. He asked.”_

_Drew wasn't going to live much longer. It felt so strange, seeing it from a strangers perspective. He expected to feel the pain again, but instead he just felt hollow. As if he was watching a movie._

_“Laura.” His voice held no sorrow, just tenderness. When did he become so distant?_

_She continued to stare at him, clutching onto her mate. She had just gotten him a few years ago, now fate was ripping him away. “I can't.” Laura spoke with agony in every letter._

_He knew what she was saying she couldn't do herself. Derek knew what she was asking. He walked over, because his feet were not his own, and took the body because his hands were stranger’s hands and it wasn't him doing this._

_It wasn't him doing this._

_“Go clean up the blood around your mouth.” He instructed. “Take a shower. Keep your eyes closed. Remember.”_

_He would spare her every pain he was sure he wasn't spared. He waited until the water in the shower was no longer hitting the tile below it, but human flesh, and then he looked at the man before him._

_“You were good.” He told Drew. He was so far gone that he probably hadn't even heard Derek speak. His heart seemed to have minutes left, but those minutes would probably be like eternity. “I'm sorry.”_

_It went the same way as it did with Paige. He took the body away, hearing Laura scream from the bathroom. She wouldn't be able to get out faster than he could get away._

_When he returned, he held her through the night. It was only when dawn broke across the gray horizon that he realized what he had done. Twice, now. And it engulfed him, the pain of the repetition flowing between the two bodies in the bed._  
\--  
There was a monster out there, killing people. Derek was pretty sure Scott had thought it was him, until he had actually seen the thing. But Derek hadn't yet, and he needed to. So he needed Scott's help.

It was his idea to get Erica to break them down; he may have forgotten how she would do it. She had gotten way too close to Stiles, encouraging him to look at her breasts, to know she used to have a crush on him. Derek did his best not to snarl, wondering how Boyd was putting up with her. It had taken the pack all of two seconds to realize that Erica and Boyd were mates.

It didn't work that time, even with Derek allowing Erica to rough up Stiles a little. It was the next time, when the pack came as a whole to wait for Scott outside of his home, Derek seeing Stiles edging around the curtain more than anything pertaining Scott. It was after they had waited out, with Isaac and Boyd rushing in that the creature revealed itself.

It was…terrifying. Derek knew that it wasn't a werewolf, by its method of attacking but this, this was something that should not exist. Its reptilian skin curved around its body, face almost completely featureless marking the eyes. Which stated right at Derek, before tilting its head and letting a fierce screech out.

“It's Jackson!” Stiles came running out, watching as it jumped off the roof and moved away. It was fast. Too fast for Derek to be comfortable with. Then, Derek realized the name and felt a sickening sense of dread.

It was the arrogant kid who was supposed to be dead already.

Scott was out next, having been near its window of escape. “He acted like he knew you. Derek, what's going on?”

Derek sighed, waiting for his pack to come out. He had kept a close ear on the inside, because an Argent was still in there. However, she seemed distracted by comforting a human who was ignorant of what just happened and soon enough his pack came out.

“I don't know what he is.” Derek said firmly.

“Do you know why he isn't, I don't know, human anymore?!” Stiles demanded. Derek blinked at him slowly, because how dare he think he could talk to Derek like that. As if he could take on Derek at any second. Derek continued to stare, hoping to make the boy back down.

But that was a no go, as Derek could tell from the fire that bloomed on his cheeks and took captive his golden eyes. Stiles would never back down, would he? It hit Derek again that this strong-headed boy was his mate, and he had no idea. It was like a fresh taste of blood for the wolf, his eyes accidentally flashing at Stiles. “He asked for the bite. Since he knew so much, because of someone not knowing how to hide properly,” Derek let his glare turn over to Scott. “I didn't want to kill the kid. I didn't think the bite took.”

“Well obviously it took something.” Stiles said angrily. “How about his ability not to slaughter people!”

“It seemed like the bite wasn’t going to take to him, when I left. He was bleeding black.” Derek did his best to explain. He hoped that Scott had told him about the logistics of the bite from their sessions.

“What do we do now?” Isaac was the one to ask the important question. Derek wasn't used to being left in charge of the decision making, so he chose what he thought was best.

“You,” he flicked a finger towards Scott. “Are probably the only person – besides the Argent upstairs – that can get your hands on the bestiary.”

“What the heck is that?” Stiles intervened on his commanding. His betas flinched back a little, instinct that was born a couple of weeks ago into them to not interrupt an Alpha. His wolf begged him to make Stiles submit to them.

In every way possible.

“It's a list of supernatural creatures and how to kill them. Hunters keep it, because they're the ones that made it.” Derek had paused in what he was doing to humor Stiles. He had stopped to satisfy his question. He shook his head a bit, wondering what was happening. “We need to know what it is.”

“Then?” Scott seemed confused.

“We kill it.” Derek said simply. His betas accepted it, though he could feel abject horror coming from Isaac.

“But that's Jackson!” Scott cried out.

Derek shook his head at him, because Scott was still stuck in the human world with the human idea that everything had good. “No, that was a killing machine that looks like Jackson when it isn't shifted. That acts like Jackson when it isn't shifted. It's not Jackson anymore.”  
He could feel the protests building in Scott, the reasons going to spill out. Hopefully, he'd become more accepting of Derek's plans once he finally realized that he had to be in the pack. “Why should we even help you?” Stiles asked childishly.

Or, the question should seem childish. But it seemed that he was seriously considering it, which scared Derek. Stiles wasn't the type to pull back on something once he was dedicated. He aimed his answer at Scott instead, hoping to placate any ideas in Stiles’ head. “You saw what happened to that Omega. It happens to almost all Omegas. We need your help, and you need a pack.” He shrugged. “It's simple.”  
\--  
_Derek doesn't know when his dad found out. It could have been the first time he came home, after not going for a run. He expected everyone to be out, because his mother was gone and his aunt had taken the kids for a beach vacation._

_Maybe it was the time that his aunt was sick and all the kids had begged the adults to go with them instead of staying home so the only one in would be his dad. Maybe he had run past Derek, before the sweat could mask everything._

_Nevertheless, Derek had just left Kate, wounds on his calves slowly closing themselves up. She had dropped him off near the forest, with a peck and a sarcastic joke about the wild being where he belonged. It didn't sting anymore, because he thought that was how she loved and if he had her love them he didn't need anything else._   
_He had run all the way to the edge of the cliff, staring out at the rest of the forest. He could remember coming up near here with Paige, startled by the beautiful tones of nature. Derek had paused to rest when his dad slipped out of the fold of the trees, his heartbeat mistaken for that of an animals._

_“So, does Laura know?” He asked, getting straight to the point._

_Derek was startled, thinking he had just come to enjoy a run with him. “What do you mean?”_

_“I can smell on you. Well, not anymore. But it was easy to pick up when you got out of the car. Shouldn't you at least ask Laura what she thinks about it before you get into this?” His dad set down next to him, treating him as an equal. Derek was sixteen, and in older times that would be enough to treat him as a man. As a werewolf._

_“She likes Kate.” Derek said defensively. He looked over at his father, and felt a pang of envy, because he was staring out at the expanse before them and he could really see it._

_“What are you doing?” His father sighed._

_“Sitting here.” It got Derek a look, like he knew what his father was saying. “I like her, and she's happy with me.”_

_“Ever asked what happened to her mate?”_

_Derek blinked at him slowly, forgetting that she had one. He just always thought that they were all they had left in the world for love. “Maybe she doesn't have one.”_

_“Maybe. But, I’d reckon she would, son. And given her age I would say he's passed on or that she hasn't met him yet.”_

_Derek never thought of her as anything but permanent. She was a fixture in his mind that he couldn't wrench out. “I could ask.”_

_His dad nodded, like that was what he wanted. “I just hope she makes you happy.”_

_“I think she does. It hurts less when I'm around her, anyway.” It was close enough to the truth that his dad wouldn't notice the lie. It didn't hurt less but it hurts different. She put her own pain on him, filling him with her and the echo of how she hurt him. It blocked out the idea of Paige and he loved it._   
_“I'll let you tell your mother. And sister. And everyone.” Derek winced. He wasn't sure of how they'd respond but he could hear a few words on the age difference._

_“Is it okay if I wait a bit?”_

_His father looked at him and probably saw the apprehension written all over his face. “Sure. I mean, if you're scared of mom then just know she has no room to talk.”_   
_“What do you mean?” Derek watched in confusion as his dad lifted up his head and laughed._

_“Your mother is a few years older than me. And by a few, try ten.”_

_Derek was shocked, mouth hanging wide. “Are you serious?”_

_“You will keep this weapon a secret until you actually need it.” Derek nodded, laughter bubbling out of his throat. It felt good to laugh._

_“I will, I will.” His dad stood up, stretching as he took one last sweeping look across the horizon._

_“I'll let you alone now. I just didn't think I could keep on pretending like I didn't know.” He paused at the tree line, Derek still seated to wait until he left. “Just remember, son – everyone, even if they aren't a werewolf, are shapeshifters.”_


End file.
